I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
