She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
