Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
