having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize