tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
