you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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