I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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