carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I deserve this hangover.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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