Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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