Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
