do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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