so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
