end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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