Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
