Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize