Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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