she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
