make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
