Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
