fuck your aforementioned shoe
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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