it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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