I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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