no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
