I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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