As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We need to get me chipped asap
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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