i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
