Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
