The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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