omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
