I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Vodka?
Forever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
