i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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