I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
