Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
