You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
