He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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