I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
