last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
