man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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