I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
