a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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