You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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