i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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