I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
