Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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