i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
tell me about the eggs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
