living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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