Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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