i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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