if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
