insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
