I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
