I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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