I'm so fucking centered right now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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