Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
