i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
