nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
