We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
