I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize