i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
