who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
