Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
