He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
