Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You made out with two different species that night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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