Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
