By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
