so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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