Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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