you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
