yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize