Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
