I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
